Ben, my beloved 7-year-old (yesterday!), got a pretty nice point-and-shoot camera for Christmas. He was always using my DSLR and has a pretty good eye. When he opened it Christmas morning it was love at first sight!
He loved it so much, in fact, he put it in his jacket pocket to take to school. We all know what happens next. After he lost it at the bus stop first thing Tuesday morning, he discovered it right away on the bus.
Now, here's where it gets interesting. He knew, right? He kept it to himself ALL day. Pretty impressive for his age and propensity for impulse control issues (like taking his camera to school). Two time outs, loss of treats AND electronics later, John and I were trying to figure out what was on in his little head. Then, after he went to bed, he came down sobbing and told us what happened. He just couldn't sleep with that on his mind. It took us almost an hour to get him settled down. He really loved that camera.
At that point, I was in a quandary. Did I get him a new camera, just for him to lose it again? It was his birthday the next day (he was still upset the next morning and asked if we could go to the bus stop early to look for it), what could I do as a mom to not have that overshadow his whole day? On the other hand, he knew he was wrong to take it in the first place, so was losing it just a natural consequence? With Steph and Justin we have the deal that we get the first whatever-it-is and if they lose it, they pay for the next one...but Ben is younger so does that apply? Were we just foolish to give it to him in the first place?
Those were just some of the questions running through my head.
What are your thoughts? I appreciate candidness, so feel free to say, 'What were you thinking getting a 7 year-old a digital camera?' or any thing else that might imply I am not the quintessential, perfect mothering model ready for her own talk show.
I'll share how it was resolved tomorrow, but I wanted to hear others' parenting perspectives first!
Hmm...this is a tough one. We've had similar situations here. What I would do here (and not saying I handled it this way) is to offer to let HIM buy a replacement, or at least part of a new one. For instance, let him work to earn X amount toward a new one--whether from birthday money, chores, helping others (for instance, our Ben worked for his grandparents shredding a huge box of papers and earned some $ that way). This way, he has the opportunity to replace it, yet he also has to work for it AND gets to experience delayed gratification. (And, of course, will get to suffer through many talks about what not to do the next time around!)
ReplyDeleteI would not just buy him a replacement, even if that sounds hard-hearted, but I'd be uncomfortable setting one rule for the older kids and not following through with the same rule for him. Of course, I live with kids who would continually say, "But last time, you bought me a new one," setting us up for a huge fight when we decide to actually enforce the rule.
ReplyDeleteHis birthday is an opportunity to give him a new camera, even though he wouldn't have had to live without it very long.
However, I think what I would do is give him some extra chores or some way to "earn" a replacement. He may not have the earning potential of his older siblings, but he can work for you to earn the money to buy a replacement. For what it's worth, I pay my kids $5/hour to help me with cleaning the house (other than cleaning up after themselves). If I'd be paying someone else to do the cleaning, I might as well pay them.
That's my perspective!
This is quite a quandary! We've had to let our kids feel the pain of losing things, and sometimes we've gone ahead & replaced things. It just depends. I am NOT an advocate of paying a child to do housework, I think that's nuts (IMO). It's part of being in a household - just a part of everyday life. My only concern replacing it is, is he going to think that's how it works in life? On the other hand, it can be a good birthday gift. Let us know what you decide! I'm kind of on the fence (sorry).
ReplyDeleteI like Renee's response!
ReplyDelete